Good enough-maybe?

Sandra Scarr’s theory is that we are all born with areas or topics that we are drawn to due to our genetic makeup.  Parents try to influence their children based on their interests or what  will make the children more successful later in life.  If the children are genetically disposed to liking that particular subject or sport, they will choose to take an active position pick up the activity.  However, if they are not genetically geared toward that activity, they will not engage.  Trying to be the perfect parent by enrolling them in the best schools or the best travel ball team will not get them any further in life, and will cost you a lot of stress and money as they grow up- so relax. 

I’ve been contemplating this topic since we left class on Tuesday.  As a mom/step mom of 4 kiddos, I want to take the stand of, “yep, good enough parenting is good enough.”  I want to take that stance because as a parent, we stress ourselves out and always ask if we are doing enough for our kids to set them up for success.  This theory, in a way, let’s me breathe a sigh of relief that we don’t have to kill myself or drain my bank account for my kiddos to be successful.  They will gravitate to what they like and will be okay, regardless of what we do or do not do.  

In a way, I have my own longitudinal study regarding this theory going on within our family.  My step girls did go to a private school.  They dabbled in extracurricular activities and were well supported, but never participated travel sport teams.  In a way, the gravitated toward their own activities and interests.  Now in their mid 20’s, both have done well.   Both graduated from college, one with a masters.  They both have found careers that they love and seem happy with life.  On the other side, my hubby and I have two kiddos, 10 and 13. They are not going to private school, and because we like sports in general, are advocating toward sport activities to make sure they stay active.  David, although a good athlete, absolutely did not want to wrestle.  If we stayed with ‘good enough’ I don’t think he would have.  Watching him now, he is gaining confidence and is genuinely starting to like the sport.  My daughter has picked up a want to learn music, which neither of us really did.  We are allowing her to purse that interest and is doing well with it.  Time will tell with the younger two.  

So, I guess my answer to question of whether good enough parenting is good enough, I would say, it depends.  I think there are certain things that through genetics that are inclined to peak our curiosity, and as parents we need to acknowledge that and foster those areas, whether we like them or not.  But, I also think that parents need to push a little more in areas where there might not be a huge interest.  It might bring on other life experiences from the particular learning environment or a sport.  I don’t think we need to drive ourselves to bankruptcy or crazy making sure our kids have the best of everything.  Do what feels right with your family – after all what is ordinary?